Recent studies have shown that children as young as 18 months recognize and care about other people. Though your toddler seems mostly interested in how you can make the child happy, your own behavior can go a long way towards making the reverse true.
Be Proud of Yourself
When you do something good, polite, selfless, or you are otherwise behaving in a way that you would like to see reflected by your toddler, make a big deal out of it. Be vocal and proud, and train Dad to do the same. Make sure that you recognize the good deeds of others as well.Change your own behavior in ways that reflect the way you would like your children to act, and always remember to be vocal when something positive is happening. Turn otherwise grumpy moments into good ones:
What you used to do: Pound on the steering wheel, scowl, and mutter something at the undesirable person who took your parking spot.
What you should do now: Say "I'm going to let that nice man have that parking spot. He seems to be in a hurry, and we aren't. He might return the favor to us some day." (and then, of course, steal the parking spot from him next time during your own secret moment of joy).
Be Proud of Your Children
The vocal encouragement that you are now showering upon yourself needs to be reflected during your child's activities as well. When they offer to share, say "Please" or "Thank You", talk to them about how proud you are. Shower them with as much praise as is reasonably possible. It never gets old hearing from Mom what a good boy or girl you are.
Set up a Rewards System
Children are easy to please. Gold stars or other stickers, sugar free jelly-beans, and other small prizes can go a long way towards nurturing positive behavior. While a stern word or two can stem bad behavior temporarily, personal rewards and affection promote more permanent reflections of good behavior.
Relax, Don't Argue
The biggest step you can take towards having a more well behaved child is in realizing that you cannot instill behavioral differences overnight. Even if you do start to see quick results, permanent behavioral changes take time and a great deal of energy to really sink in. It is important that you do not inhibit your progress through frustration, a short temperament, or by becoming a generally bad behaving person yourself.
It's OK if your child doesn't want to share a toy, meet a new person, or say the magic words. No toddler can maintain a selfless demeanor all the time. Pushing a child too hard to do something, or creating an argumentative environment, will inevitably result in that child pushing back. It's a natural instinct. Constant pressure creates a general unhappy atmosphere, resulting in a poorly behaved child, a frustrated Mom, and a family that doesn't play well with others. When you feel an argument starting, use your lifelong social experience to diffuse the situation with minimal fuss.
Be Consistent
Your child will learn to communicate best with you and respond to your desires most easily if there is consistency in your own actions, body language, and general behavior. Though this seems fairly obvious, the lack of sleep that Moms tend to receive coupled with daily strain can make consistency difficult. Be mindful of your behavior around your children and focus on exhibiting the demeanor that you want your children to display. In other words, lead by example.
Teaching Toddlers to Be Nice Interaction
