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You Are Not Being Graded

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Lynni

I write a paper almost everyday. My to-do list. I check things off as I go and at the end of the day look to see what I've accomplished. I never looked at like this before, but it does apply.

Mcheer

Someone step in and correct me if I am wrong....but I think that the spouse who goes to work has it easier that the spouse who stays home with the kids... I know I feel this way. There is ALOT of pressure on us to be "GOOD" moms, "GOOD" housekeepers, "GOOD" cooks and also give a good BJ at the end of the day. I really would like to see our DH's deal with what we deal with on a daily basis... I know for a fact that Jay can't deal with it when we have a "symphony of crying" in our house... He thinks he has a tough job... yes he has a HIGH maintenance job but tough come on now... he sells beer for a living! He does a lot of "babysitting" and "putting out fires" but he still gets to sit down for a nice lunch and talk to adults, he can go through a drive through without "entertaining" the passengers in the back seat!

I wish I knew where the pressure was coming from and then I would remove it but it is there and you either live up to it or you don't... This parenting gig is a tough one!

I know that in theory we are NOT graded but it sure feels like it sometimes!

Lynni

My DH too. I'll be gone to work for 12 hrs and come home to a trashed house, unbathed child and a Dh who is itiching to get out of the house. Did I mention that he worked all day and that Bubbs was at school? He is ready for a break after 2 hours. He wants to leave bedtime duty to me because he got him ready for the day. You know, feed him the food I left out and dress him in the clothes that I left out and drop him off. I've made the comment "It's fun to be the Mommy, isn't it?" more then once.

I only work 2 days a week and I think it is much easier in some ways to go to work. I feel the pressure all of the time. I feel that I'm doing my job as a mom, wife, housekeeper (see the list from before) , etc as well as I should be. I think it is all part of being a mom. I feel like I have no right to complain because I only have one child.

Hay lady

Graded? No. Judged? Absolutely. Every step of the way. If it's not by our husbands, than it's our moms or MIL's or the woman next door. There is always someone judging our parenting. But isn't all of life like that?

I am one who couldn't care less about what everyone is saying about me. I won't even let my mom get away with making snide comments. Walk in my shoes and then you can judge me.

I do the best I can do to get through each day. Yes, my house is a wreck. I don't cook dinner as often as I should. The least my husband can do for me is shut up about it and offer a kind word. He should be my rock. The person who stands behind me no matter what. And I think all too often, we as couples, tear each other apart in anger. Even though the words were said that way and you probably don't mean it later, those words linger in the mind of your spouse and create wounds that are permanent. We need to build each other up instead of making the other feel so inadequate. I think that would go a long way in making us feel more sure of ourselves and our parenting and in turn, make the way that others outside the home judge us seem insignificant. I mean, if your spouse appreciates the job you are doing, then who cares what everyone else thinks?

Hay lady

And you are right, Lynni. It is much easier to be a working mom. Unless of course, you take the baby with you and then you NEVER get a break

I love working. Not that my job is so significant, but I cannot imagine staying home and entertaining my kids all day. I guess I am just not wired like that. I would be out and about (and probably spending money all day) and I know that is not something that we can afford if I was a SAHM. I would literally lose my mind. Ronnie talks about me quitting once we get things in line and I'm not sure I want to. I would much rather quit when all of the boys are in school so that I can help at school and run them to all of the fun after school activities.

Lock me in a house all day with babies?? No freaking thank you. People tell me all the time they don't know how I do it. I'll be honest. I don't know how I do it. My house is a disaster. My MIL helps me out a ton after work by either cooking or taking one of the little ones while I cook. If I didn't have that, I would be living on a different kind of farm...the funny farm!!

Mcheer

Also I'd like to go off on a tangent for one second... I believe as women we have the RIGHT to have an "emotional moment" and it is our DH's job to stand there and listen (not say a THING) rub my back and let me get over my "moment"...I don't want to hear about HOW BUSY you are... I want you to just listen and my "vent" will be done ...until the next time


Why do husbands not have the ability to understand this. My tantrums (which are few and far between) would be over sooner if you just listened!...

How can you tell I just had a "moment" with Jay via the phone while he is in Vancouver for meetings. (Which I might add DON'T start till 1:00!)

lapoissonne

I just love having you guys over here...

I am so freakin tired from a full fledge very pregnant mama day that I am going to lay down on the sofa now for about twenty minutes and try really really hard not to feel guilty about it or about if DH walks in the room and sees me laying down rather than at my computer...

Lynni

I am reminding myself to breath deeply. I haven't been home for an hour we're off to a great start for the evening.

Bubbs put conditioner in his hair. Why? Because he liked the orange bottle (I bought new stuff today). Ok, bath for him. DH comes home and heads straight to the computer. Then takes 6 phone calls and walks into the living room as I'm picking up the mess Bubbs made "on accident", and annouces that he is getting his suit pants hemmed. This is the same bloody suit that almost landed him in Canada overnight because he didn't take proper documention but he just HAD to get the suit. Never mind that he has 6 in the closet and wears them less then 10 times a year. Bubbs then goes into meltdown mode when M (dh's friend) comes to the door to pick him up. He wants to go with the boys. Dh tells him no and then M has Dh double check for his Costco card because they have to go buy beer after. WTF? I suppose they expect dinner on the table when they get back.

It is rare that both DH and M are home so early, so instead of Dh spending it with his family he is out the door. I can just feel a need for hitting golf balls too, as golf league starts tomorrow.

To think, I was feeling guilty I hadn't gotten as much done today as I had planned. I was actually going to finish the laundry tonight. No way. If DH can play so am I. However, I have to play at home with my son. Don't get me wrong, I love him, but it isn't the same.

Grade D for me, as I am slacking off the second half of the day.

symesa

I am a victim of self-induced guilt. I seriously don't think my DH or family have high expectations of my work as a mom...but I do and that's what bites me in the but all the time!