The long train ride to sleepy town begins in our house with dinner. From the moment we sit down at the dinner table, the little one's know that bed time is coming up because dinner time is normally followed up with bath time, and bath time is inevitably followed by bed time. This is our first tip for getting your kids to bed easily - follow a routine. If the children know that there is a routine, and what the steps in the routine are, they are likely to look forward to it and are more likely to comply without putting major obstacles in place.
- Be Consistent, not Rigid - There will be times when the nightly routine has to change because of variances in your own schedule. Your routine should encompass what steps you can normally take on a daily basis to reach the bedroom. If you are too rigid and emotionally tied to the routine , our children will become rigid and emotionally tied to the routine as well.
- Make Announcements - Let your children know what step is coming next in advance. "In ten minutes, we are going upstairs." Statements like this ensure that the little ones are not surprised by the next event, and gives them time to prepare themselves for what is coming next.
- Keep a pace - there shouldn't be a great deal of variance in the time that it takes to accomplish each step in the routine. You don't need to keep a timer, but if you spend roughly 30 minutes doing something (eating dinner, taking a bath, etc.), you should always spend roughly 30 minutes on that task.
- Don't let the children get too involved with anything - If your children get too involved with toys, a cartoon, an art project, or anything else during your bedtime routine, you will meet resistance. If you see them getting too involved, it's time to make one of those announcements - "Four more minutes..."
Freedom Within Structure
Consistently being pushed to do something develops an inherent unwillingness to do so in all of us. Deflate that unwillingness by providing freedom within the nightly structure. "Do you want to brush your teeth before we read books, or after we read books?" Conversely, pushing too many decisions in your child's direction can cause difficulties as well. Your own child's personality should dictate how many decisions they are asked to make, and whether those decisions should be the same one's each night, or if there should be a variety.
Offering a choice is also a great way to minimize resistance when it appears. If your child is resisting brushing his or her teeth, offer a choice of toothbrushes or toothpaste.
Story Time
Reading books is something every parent needs to do, and most parents need to do more often than they already do. Making story time part of the nightly routine gives the little ones a chance to wind down and relax physically, and the creative wheels that get spinning while they hear the stories help to tire them out mentally. Keep to stories with minimal or no conflict and happy endings prior to bed time. Books that offer a chance to learn by counting, recognizing shapes or letters, or one's that teach basic reading skills can help to tire them out as well. You may want to avoid books that are too much fun.
Get Ready Yourself
Doing all of the things that you want your children to do can help move things forward. Brush your teeth with them. Put on your jammies with them. If you are doing it, they will naturally want to do the same thing. If things are moving along too slowly, challenge your child to a race (one that results in a tie or with the child winning is best).
Incentives
While you don't want to negotiate your way through the bedtime routine on a daily basis, providing incentives for good behaviour and speedy accomplishment of bedtime tasks is a great way to get things moving forward. Focus the incentives on good behaviour rather than pushing the idea that bad behaviour will result in a lack of incentives. Here are a few ideas for incentives:
- Stickers - what kid doesn't love to get new stickers?
- Stories about your own childhood
- Reading that extra long book that you tend to avoid
- A morning prize - "If you get to bed quickly, tomorrow we'll have pancakes!"
Other Notes
Bedtime is a time of day when children tend to receive more attention from their parents than at other times of the day. Often the resistance you meet at bedtime is a subconcious ploy to spend more time with you. Do your best to focus as much positive attention as you can on your children during bedtime to meet those needs before you meet resistance.
When tantrums erupt, act quickly and decisively. Not knowing how to react, or responding inconsistently to a tantrum encourages more of them. The best reaction to a tantrum is rarely picking a child up and hugging them immediately. Don't cave into demands until the child calms down.
Be creative yourself. While these tips may be helpful for some families, they can not be applied to every family and every child successfully. If it was possible to write a step by step handbook for dealing with children, we all would have a copy of that book handed to us at the hospital when our children were born. You know your child(ren) best. Find creative ways to motivate them and to tucker them out.
Getting the Kids to Bed Feedback
